EURO NEWS

The European commission has just announced an agreement whereby English
will be the official language of the EU, rather than German (hurrah!),
which was the other possibility.

As part of the negotiations Her Majesty's Govt. conceded that English
spelling had some room for improvement and has accepted a 5 year phase-
in plan for the new language which will be known as Euro-English. This
is how the treaty looks:

Year 1.
"s" will replace the soft "c". This will sertainly make the sivil
servants jump for joy. The hard "c" will be dropped in favour of the
"k". This will klear up konfusion and keyboards kan have 1 less letter.

Year 2.
There will be growing publik enthusiasm this year when the troublesome
"ph" will be replaced by "f" which will sertainly make words like
FOTOGRAF 20% shorter.

Year 3.
Publik akseptanse of the new spelling kan be expekted to reach the
stage where more komplikated changes are possible. Governments will
enkourage the removal of double letters which have always ben a deterent
to akurate speling. Also we al wil agre that the horible mes of the
silent "e" in the language is disgracful and they should go away.

Year 4.
Peopl wil be reseptiv to steps such as replasing "th" with "z" and "w"
with "v".

Year 5.
During ze fifz year ze unesesary "o" kan be dropd from vords kontaining
"ou" and similar changes vud of kors be aplid to ozer kombinations of
leters. After zis fifz yer, ve vil hav a reli sensible riten styl. Zer
vil be no mor trubls or difikultis and evrivun vil find it ezi tu
understand ech ozer.

ZE DREM VIL FINALI KUM TRU !!